i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
