I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have aggressive nipples.
COCAINE IS GR8
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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