Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
