You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
