hotel room ftw
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
