im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
