if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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