Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
