I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
