Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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