She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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