we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
