Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
