It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
