I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
