3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
