I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
