The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
