She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
