Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
