I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
