I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
