the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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