My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
