It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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