I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
