Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Congratulations! We have a period
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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