He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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