Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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