bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
