I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
