I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
