he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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