he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
