There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
