Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
