remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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