I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
