Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
