watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
