also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
