Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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