mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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