I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
