I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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