I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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