I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
