Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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