my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
