The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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