capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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