No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
