Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
