hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
